Feel Me
by TwilightSherry
Summary: Reader's Poll Winner in the "Love for the Unloved" contest. Mrs. Cope,school secretary,deserves love too. When Edward's presence leaves her hot and bothered,learn who helps fan the flame,& what he does that means so much more.Rated M for Lemon


"**Feel Me"**

**Reader's Poll Winner for the**

**"Love for the Unloved" Contest Entry**

Disclaimer: All canon characters are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.

Big kisses to Jessica1971 for her awesome beta skills especially on such short notice, I heart you.

From Twilight (by Stephenie Meyer)

"_Never mind, then," he said hastily in a voice like velvet. "I can see that it's impossible. Thank you so much for your help." And he turned on his heel without another look at me, and disappeared out the door._

_I went meekly to the desk, my face white for once instead of red, and handed her the signed slip._

"_How did your first day go, dear?" the receptionist asked maternally._

"_Fine," I lied, my voice weak. She didn't look convinced._

~*~

I was not fully convinced that the chief's daughter really had a good day. I wonder if it had anything to do with Edward Cullen. He sure gave her the look of death when he noticed she was here. I can't imagine what could have happened for her to be the recipient of that look; the Cullen's usually stick to themselves. Whatever it was he sure wanted out of that class with her. Poor girl, on her first day getting the evil eye from the hottest guy in school, she definitely seemed flustered.

Heaven knows I am distracted by the Cullen boys, but that Edward, it is all I can do trying to keep my composure when he comes in the office. He is the reason I keep an extra pair of panties in my desk drawer. I have to constantly remind myself of his age, not that it has stopped me before, but I am older, wiser, and in love now. I know all of these kids here think they have cornered the market on sexual exploitations, but who are they kidding? Most of them are probably lucky to have rounded to second base, and the girls who have given up their cherries probably wouldn't put it in their top ten, not that they'd ever admit that. They have no idea what a few more years of sexual and life experience will do for them.

These kids would die if they knew what I go home to every night. I know that I dress to cover up my still awesome body. But when I leave here, the frumpy dresses and glasses come off and the jeans and tanks that advertise the awesome results of my daily gym and dietary routine come on.

I learned my lesson 10 years ago when I almost got fired because of my relationship with Brad. I will no longer advertise myself at school as the MILF that I am. Although, can you really be considered a MILF if you don't have any kids? Either way, Brad and I still go at it like bunnies, but these kids will learn one day how much better it is when you have the love that goes with the hot sex. I still can't believe how lucky I am that Brad Cope found me. I knew it was wrong for us to be together. I am thirteen years his senior but you would never know it. He treats me as if I'm with him at twenty-eight years old. He is so amazing, and I can't wait to get home. I reach in my desk drawer for the panties I need to change after my Edward encounter, and grab my phone to text Brad and let him know that tonight will be a Red Light Special night.

"_Hi hun, how's ur day goin?"_

"_Fine how r you sweetie?"_

"_Had a great day 2day, in fact I just wanted 2 prepare u for a Red Light Special tonite"_

"_Did Edward come in2 the office today?"_

"_Haha u know me so well lover…b home soon."_

"_I'll b right behind you…& I do mean behind ;)"_

"_Hot damn ;) that's what I was hopin 4"_

Thank goodness I texted all that before the panty change, because I only have one spare. *Note to self – replenish extra panties at work* As I wrap up the rest of today's duties, rounding up the tardy slips, checking the detention room to release the kids, and finally locking up the office for the day, I can't wait to get home and prepare for tonight's love fest.

I cross the staff parking lot and reach my red Mazda RX-8. I slip inside noticing the usual stares, probably wondering why Mrs. Cope drives a convertible. I drive a convertible because I can afford it. I look damn hot after I leave Mrs. Cope at school and Shelley is able to come out and play. But mostly because I love to ride Brad while we're taking a drive up the mountain, and that is much more fun when the wind is blowing through my hair. I will never forget the test drive we took a few years ago when I was looking for a new car and he suggested I buy a convertible. The corners of my mouth can't help but curl up. I rest my head on the headrest and close my eyes as I recount the memory.

~*~

"_So, what do you think about the car? It really handles well. You should have driven; it's going to be your car, honey."_ Brad flashes me his adoring smile, slides his hand over the gearshift, takes my hand in his and runs his thumb softly back and forth over the side of my hand. His touch always sends shivers down my spine.

"_I know hun, but you know much more about cars and I trust your judgment. You know I'm all about the pretty. All I care about is that it's a nice shiny red. I actually like the shade of this one."_ I start running the nails of my free hand up and down his arm. _"This is a really beautiful drive. Maybe we should put the top down so we can enjoy the crisp, clean air."_

"_I wasn't sure if you'd want the top down."_ He slides his hand down to my knee and squeezes gently. _"I don't want you to freeze. That little skirt you're wearing doesn't do much to cover up those long, sexy legs of yours that don't stop."_ His fingers run along the hem of my skirt. The electric heat of his touch is all it takes for me to feel the wetness in the exact place my legs do stop.

"_With your hands on my body, there is very little chance of me freezing. I want to feel the wind in my hair, so go ahead and put the top down."_

He presses the button and the top lifts up and folds down in the back. I inhale a deep breath of the fresh air and rub my knees together, feeling some needed friction. The tips of his fingers gently caress my thigh, drawing tiny circles as he glides my skirt up mere inches. He's teasing me and although we are surrounded by the open air, a cloak of passion hovers over us.

His fiery touch is my undoing. The pads of his fingers walk up the length of my body, slowly, one finger length at a time, stopping briefly to sweep the side of my breast, causing my nipples to harden. Reaching my shoulder, he tenderly brushes the hair off my neck and behind my ear gently. He guides my chin to look in his direction. I recognize the desire in his eyes looking back at me and the seductive smile that follows.

His finger trails across my lips. I bite my bottom lip before opening them slightly, allowing him to slide his fingertip along my lips and giving me the chance to indulge in one tiny nibble of his finger. I love the salty taste of his skin. I release his finger and he presses tenderly on the center of my upper lip. Trailing southward, he catches my bottom lip with his wet finger and floats down my chin to the hollow of my neck, where he sweeps his finger back and forth eliciting goosebumps on my skin. Continuing his erotic journey between my excited breasts, a low moan escapes my mouth.

He reaches the bottom of my shirt and lifts it slightly to tickle my sensitive belly button. Skimming under the waistband of my skirt, drawing out the anticipation of where this is going, his sensual exploration has finally come full circle and ends at the hem of my skirt, fully accomplishing a lustful longing coursing through my body.

"_Open your legs, darling."_ Only briefly taking his eyes off of the road, he sees the matched want in my eyes and I grant him his wish.

I spread my legs and his finger grazes lightly up my thigh, sending another rush of my excitement between my legs. When he is met by the readiness of the damp cotton triangle he lets out a deep sigh that mirrors my own. He hooks his finger under the lace and follows it up my hip. I lift my ass so he can slide the string down my legs, exposing me completely.

I feel the back of my seat falling backwards and notice that Brad is pressing the automatic seat button to lay me almost flat.

In his deep lust-filled voice, he says, _"Put your feet on the dashboard."_ Without hesitation, I slide my heels off my feet so that I don't scratch the glove compartment, bend my knees and rest my toes on the dash, giving him full access to where I yearn for him most.

Immediately he is rubbing along my folds, spreading my increasing wetness along my hot wanton pussy. Using two fingers to open my entrance, he firmly slides one finger inside me. My body accepts him willingly as he starts to twist the finger inside me.

"_I love how wet __you are__ for me."_

He adds a second finger and I start to writhe in time with his movements in and out of me.

"_Ungg__gh__...you feel…so…good. Don't stop,"_ I beg.

His thumb starts rubbing circles on my clit. He plays my body like a concert pianist, and claims my heart and soul with every penetration of his long strong fingers. My hips rise, meeting each thrust, permitting him deeper access.

My head falls back naturally against the soft leather headrest. My eyes clench as he strikes the place inside me that compels my orgasm to build.

"_Right…yes…right…there."_

He meets my increased hip rhythm, driving his fingers faster, adding pressure to my clit with his rubbing thumb.

The cool breeze is blowing through my hair. I open my eyes and see the majestic snow-capped mountains flying past us, but nothing can penetrate the heat coursing through me as I feel my release getting close. My body takes over, my walls start to clench Brad's fingers, but I know that I want more. I need more.

I slide my hand across the console and feel that his erection is rock hard. I close my legs on his arm and rest my hand on his hand, stopping him, and take a deep breath.

"_Why did you stop me?"_ He questions, sounding a little confused. His foot rises off the gas pedal. He wiggles his fingers that are being held inside me, sending me almost to the edge and he knows it.

It takes everything to reign in my desired orgasm. He is begging for my release with his fingers crushing the nub of my climax. I strain to hold on. _"Let yourself go, honey. Come on, don't stop for me."_

Squeezing his erection and resting my palm along his length, I look in his dark, passionate eyes, _"I didn't stop just for you. I need to feel your cock inside me. I don't want to release on this cold, unfeeling seat. I want to cum around you."_

His cock twitches through his jeans and I know I will not be denied.

"_How can I possibly say no to that? My cock is always yours, baby. Free my hand and let's get you over here."_ I actually heard him growl in acceptance of my maneuver.

I opened my legs and felt the loss of his fingers as he pulled them out of my dripping pussy. I helped him unzip his pants, springing his straining cock, hearing a sigh of relief fall from his lips.

"_Now that's exactly what I need."_ I gave him a little wink and wrapped my hand around the bottom of his length, sliding all the way to the tip, spreading his pre-cum back down his shaft. His cock throbbed as my hand slid down the pulsing veins.

"_Oh__ baby, I want you so badly. Stop teasing me and get your pretty little ass over here."_

I unbuttoned my skirt and slid it down my legs, climbed over the center console so that I was facing him. I slid my right leg over his body, resting my knee next to his left hip, positioning myself directly over his cock. I straddled him, but did not lower myself. He looked over my shoulder to see the road in front of him, but he had slowed down considerably, due to his distraction.

I bent down to kiss his neck, running my tongue up his neck and across his pronounced jaw line. My tongue reached his lips and I drew it across first the upper and then the lower, crushing my lips to his, kissing him vigorously, sliding my tongue into his torrid mouth. He rolled his tongue across mine and sucked. I felt so at home in this position, almost forgetting that we were on the highway up on a mountain. I opened one eye slightly to see that he was still watching the road.

"_What, is your little suggestion scaring you now?"_ He snickered and squeezed my ass with his one free hand.

"_No, but do you think you should pull over maybe? I don't want to wreck a car we don't own yet."_

"_Don't you trust me?"_ Drifting his hand down my ass to my pussy, he pushed his fingers inside me again.

"_Well, when you put it like that, I'm sure that I do."_ Smashing my lips to his again, this time sucking his tongue into my mouth, _"Oh, you taste so damn good."_

He pulls his fingers out of me, and brings them to my lips. _"You think I taste good? Taste what I taste, and then, baby, you've teased me enough. Please."_

I suck his fingers clean one at a time, each one dragging across my lips slower than the last, knowing how much it turns him on. He releases a deep moan and an _"Oh, I love when you do that."_

"_Yes, I know."_ I purr, not allowing my eyes to leave his.

I reach down to his cock, wrap my tiny hand around his girth, and rub his tip along my entrance. I guide his tip to brush my clit and a soft sigh floats out of my mouth.

My head falls to his neck and I nestle my ear on his shoulder, breathing in his smooth, masculine scent as I enjoy these few seconds of intense longing, knowing soon he will be inside me and I will be his. These few seconds always move in slow motion for me as the memories of our life together flash through my mind, reminding me of the love that _saved_ my life; the love that _made_ my life. I feel a tear form in the corner of my eye from the intensity that surrounds my heart.

I run my tongue across his collar bone and drop small kisses up his neck reaching his ear. Gently pulling his earlobe into my mouth, I press my teeth down ever so slightly, eliciting a hitch in his breath, and I tenderly whisper, _"I love you, you are my everything."_

I finish my descent down his cock, feeling warmth and pleasure as every inch of his skin comes in contact with my burning flesh, filling me completely.

I arch my back in the ecstasy of the love we share. My head rolls back and he sees the familiar trail of tears symbolizing our intimacy. Only he knows the reason for my tears at this tender moment. Only he knows the gravity our intercourse holds over me.

I start to rock slightly, knowing that I was so close to my climax earlier it won't take long and I can feel he is not far behind, but I want to draw it out as long as possible. Our frenzied passion and closeness never erases the terror that once was, but I never cease in my quest to exorcise the demon from my past.

He reaches his free hand up to my cheek and wipes the tears away. _"You are my life, Shelley. I love you, and I'm sorry I can't erase the pain. Listen to me. Feel me. This is me inside you. Feel me."_ He rests his hand on my hip and steadies my movement so that I stop my motion.

"_**Feel me**_."

The wind blowing through my hair subsides and it falls down my back. My lids fall over my eyes and I focus on his heavy words.

"_Feel __**me**__."_ I do feel him. He twitches inside me, but I stay still, memorizing the sensation of my walls feeling the pressure of his fervor.

The tiny bumps in the road as he pulls onto the shoulder adjust our connection, sending him deeper inside me.

"_Feel me. I'm right here."_

I don't even realize we are under a blanket of trees and off the highway until I feel both hands pull me to his sculpted chest. I open my eyes, relishing the way his piercing blue eyes silently remind me of his irrevocable love for me. He wraps his firm arms around me and squeezes, running his strong hands understandingly up and down my back.

One hand slides down and around my bare bottom, and he begins to maneuver me gradually riding his cock, as his hips rise to meet each movement.

His other hand ascends up my back and I feel his fingers comb through my hair as he lures my head down to his shoulder. In a hushed tone, he calms me while continuing to move inside me, stirring my craved release.

"_Feel me. This is me inside you. He is gone forever. He can never take you again. You are mine, and I love you. No one will ever hurt you again. I will take care of you. That is my solemn promise."_ I start to whimper at his tenderness. He holds me tighter and his thrust accelerates. _"I love you. I'm sorry I couldn't save you from him."_

"_You did save me. You brought me back to life."_ I don't know why sometimes I still react this way during intimacy, but he never tires of consoling me with his love and reassurance, building new memories that I pray some day will cloud the painful ones out of my mind.

"_I wish I could have been there to stop him."_ He whispers delicately in my ear, still holding our bodies together, rocking us in a perfect rhythm.

"_I know you do, but I didn't even know you, so you couldn't save me then, but this…this right here…feeling you…this is what saves me from him every day."_

"_I just wish I could make him disappear completely for you. Feel all of me. This is me inside you, and I love you. Everything that I am is yours."_

"_I'm sorry I bring him into our lives. You don't deserve this."_

"_Don't say that. Neither did you. Now look into my eyes and see me. Feel my love."_ His palms raise me up his length, further and further, allowing gravity to heighten the strength of each descent. Our breaths turn into pants and I can feel our hearts racing in time with each other.

I lift my head off his shoulder and peer into his adoring eyes; eyes that calm me, eyes that make me feel the only safety I know now, eyes that love me.

"_This is me. I am inside you. I am making love to you. Feel me inside you."_ He drives his cock harder and deeper.

My body cannot deny me the physical release that it craves, but only his sentiments can ever deliver my mind to participate in our expression of love.

I feel my walls clench his member, and as his movements increase in speed, my flesh savors each bulging vein that trails my sensitive skin. _"Oh Shelly, you feel so good, I'm going to cum. Are you ok?"_

"_Yes, I'm ready."_

"_Mmmnn...you are so beautiful. Let yourself go, darling. I want to you to cum with me….unggh. Oh yes, let it go, feel it,"_ he pleads as he nears his climax.

I stare heavily into his loving eyes as my orgasm starts to wash over me. Every muscle contracts, my toes curl, my ankles flex, our bodies envelope each other, and I let out a loud gasp, _"Oh….yes….oooo Brad."_

Our gaze never wavers, and he guides us to our mutual surge of juices. I feel three long warm squirts as his continuous movements mix the slick culmination of our lovemaking.

"_I love you."_ He says tenderly as he reaches both hands up to caress my cheeks. He pulls me to his lips, passionately kissing me, sliding his tongue into my mouth and breathing a heavy sigh.

His lips trail down my neck to my shirt. He unbuttons the front and slides the cup of my bra over, releasing my breast and immediately licking my hardened nipples.

"_I know this is a little late, but I just can't get enough of you. I want to consume you."_ He gives my peaks a soft nibble. I can feel him soften inside me, but we stay connected, relishing the decent of our euphoria, while he continues to suckle my nipples.

"_I am only yours."_ I don't have to explain the sentiment for we have been through this many times before.

~*~

I lift my head off the headrest of the car that we drove off the lot that day, cherishing the memory we had created. We have reenacted that memory many times over, each time more satisfying and healing than the last. I reach down and start the car. I look in the rear view mirror to check for cars behind me and catch a glimpse of my reflection. I can't help but notice the lines on my face. No amount of toning can take away these lines. I realize that my flashback has actually brought real tears to the surface. The horrid memories of my past don't come around as often anymore, but when they do, only Brad can ease them. He is the perfect elixir for my pain.

On my ride home, I recount how lucky I am to have Brad's love. I remember like it was yesterday the day I decided to finally leave my home after two years and try to claim my life back. After the rape, the stillbirth, and the trial, I was a shell of a person. I had been in Forks for two years, but had never ventured anywhere other than the grocery store. My hermit life depleted my savings and I was flat broke.

I decided to apply for the closest job I could find, which ended up being the secretary at the High School. It worked for me as it was only a few blocks away. Even though it was close, I knew the fear that consumed me would have to be dealt with. School didn't start for another two months, so I figured if I was going to make a go of this new life, then I might as well go full force. I found the nearest gym and signed up for a self-defense class.

When I walked in for the first class, I was taken aback by my immediate attraction to the instructor. Brad introduced himself and I felt an instant connection with him. He took an interest in me from that first day, offering me private training sessions in the gym. At the time, I couldn't understand why he was offering, but even more why I accepted. I hadn't felt chemistry with someone in five years and it was almost surreal. It was as if someone inside of me was saying "yes" on my behalf while the brain of my empty self had not caught up with the actions of that person screaming and dying to come alive again. Brad has since told me that he could see the fear in my eyes, and hated that such a beautiful woman seemed so broken and damaged. He felt that if he could help at all that he had to try.

Over the next two months I worked out with Brad 5 days a week, and in that time my confidence and zest for life rejuvenated. We didn't talk much outside of working out, but there was an obvious connection. I could sense his caring nature, and there was definitely electricity between us whenever our skin accidentally brushed each other. But I didn't let my mind move past any fantasies or dreams I had for him, as I knew he had to be much younger than me, although I was too chicken to ask. I'm sure he had many much younger, less damaged girls after him. So, I enjoyed our time at the gym, but I knew he held a special place in my heart as silly as that may seem for such a short time period. I connected Brad to my reawakening spirit.

I was feeling so much better about myself when my new job started that I decided to reward myself using my last bit of credit to buy a new hip wardrobe. Before the dark days of my life, I had lived a bohemian lifestyle, traveling the world and doing anything. My body had never felt better, and I believed I could probably summit Mt. Everest. So I bought clothes to show off my taut body and figured I'd show these teenagers that they had nothing on Miss Shelley Rothe.

I don't think I contained my surprise when Brad walked into the office that first day of school to register for his senior year. He actually seemed delighted to see a familiar face. He had only moved here a few weeks before that first class I attended and he didn't really know anyone in town, other than those he met at the gym, including me. He was actually eighteen, thank goodness, but that knowledge still didn't really soothe the fact that I was thirty-one and dreaming at night about an eighteen year old. I really needed to reel it in if I was going to see him at work and the gym every day.

I remember trying to ask around for the details on the new student. I read his file and there were a few people who knew the town gossip. Apparently, his parents had died and left him some money, so he moved to Forks over the summer, bought a house, and got a job at the gym. No one really knew why he moved to Forks, but everyone who had come into contact with him seemed to have only good things to say.

That afternoon at the gym he told me that he was so glad to have someone at the school that he knew. He told me that it was a little hard being in a town where it seemed everyone knew everyone else except him. Sometimes he felt like the odd man out, left all alone. I understood what he meant because that was the exact reason I had moved to Forks. I knew I wouldn't be bothered, as people would just go on about their lives. I felt for him and decided to invite him over for dinner that night. I told myself this would be a good thing, because this boy needed a friend.

Our relationship grew over the next few months. My life fell into an easy routine of work, gym, and usually some form of dinner with Brad. I knew that what I was doing was breaking all the rules, but I could not stop myself. I had learned that Brad's parents died in a car accident when he was fifteen. They left him plenty of money which led to a battle over which family member he would live with, most only wanting him with the hopes of getting their hands on his money. Once they found out that was not going to happen, he would be shipped off to another family. During this time he missed a lot of school which is why he was only now finishing his senior year.

When he turned eighteen he decided to get out from under all of the family chaos, packed his things, got in his car and just drove. When he passed the Forks sign he felt the urge to stay. He couldn't really explain it, other than an inner force telling him that he needed to be here for some reason. It felt peaceful, something he hadn't had in his life for awhile. I now believe that it was me who drew him here, and that the universe knew we were made for each other and just needed to find each other.

His life experiences made him so much more mature than most eighteen year old boys, which is probably why I did not view him as eighteen. He had been basically responsible for himself for over three years now and was wise beyond his years. I felt he was definitely an old soul. He turned nineteen halfway through the year and people were starting to catch on to our relationship, as we were starting to venture out into the public more and people noticed our glances were growing to be anything but innocent. The gossip train started. If only people knew that the gossip only facilitated the growth of our relationship, forcing us to really explore what our feelings were.

~*~

It was during Christmas break that some of the walls I spent five years building finally crumbled. Brad had been so open and honest with me for seven months now, and he knew I was hiding something. One of the things I didn't hold back from him was the past we had in common, the fact that I lost my parents at seventeen. They too left me money, and I took that money and started out on my adventurous journey. I was thrilled to tell him about my many adventures.

My awe as I reached the crest of Mount Rainier. The adrenaline rush competing in various triathlons allowing me to swim in many different blue oceans. The amazement of seeing the seven natural wonders of the world. The overwhelming joy I felt delivering a woman's baby in the outback of Australia. The crippling despair that shook me to the core in Ireland as I happened across a car accident and held a man's hand while he took his last breath, begging me to deliver his dying declaration to his wife and children. I survived guerrillas chasing me in South America while trying to deliver supplies to a needy village, but the smiles on their faces were worth the fear of dying. Skydiving in Kalispell, Montana was breathtaking; Lost Prairie was nestled in a beautiful, secluded valley surrounded by gorgeous mountains, peppered with pristine lakes and the unique point of view is one I will never forget. I packed my early twenties with as many experiences as I could. I cherished all of those memories and they were my only company during the first two years in Forks.

Although Brad loved hearing about my exploits, he quickly picked up on the fact that those adventures stopped and something brought me to Forks, paralyzing me. But no matter how he asked the questions, I never felt right burdening him with my horrors.

We were snowed in from the day after Christmas through New Years. Brad stayed at my house and slept on the couch. On our third night of being stuck in the house, Brad thought it would be fun to have a picnic by the fire. He piled the logs into the fireplace and as the crackling warmth of the fire filled the room, he spread out a blanket on the cold, cherry hardwood floors. I brought our plates into the living room and we talked and laughed as always while we ate dinner. I think he was determined to climb that wall around my heart that night, because he kept asking about the last five years of my life. No matter what story I tried to detour the conversation to, he always came back to what I was doing in 1994.

"_I can feel that something devastating happened to you, and I wish that you trusted me enough to tell me about it. Shelley, I feel so close to you and you have become the most important person in my life. I haven't felt connected to another person since I lost my parents. I think that I didn't want to take the chance of caring about someone and losing them, too. But, you have opened up my heart to allow me to feel something in that dead part of me, and I would love to do the same for you."_

"_I know you do, but I'm not sure that it's fair to burden you with those details of my life. It is a time that haunts me and you are so young and don't deserve to carry that weight."_

"_Are we really going to talk about my age again?_

We rehashed the age thing again. He was right, it didn't matter to me. I felt more equal to him than I had felt to anyone. I couldn't believe that he was penetrating the walls with his words and I was contemplating letting him into the deepest part of my soul.

"_Brad, before I tell you this, I want you to know that I feel as though this will change everything between us. I want you to make sure this is where you want to go. I have not spoken of this in two years, although it haunts me every day."_

He moved himself closer to me and took my hand in his.

"_I know it does. You think I don't know the very second that this haunting takes over your thoughts. I see it in your eyes every time, and it kills me that I don't know how to help. You retreat to a dark place that you won't allow me. I don't know if I can fix it, I don't know if I can help you, I don't know what you need in those moments. What I do know is that every fiber of my being wants to try."_

His words brought tears to my eyes, and I knew in that moment that I would let him try and that someday he would succeed.

I had not spoken about James Brewer since the day of the trial where I had to recount the three weeks that he held me captive in 1994. I told Brad the horrid details of his torture and rape and of how I escaped, only to find out a few months later that I was carrying his child. I had strong feelings about abortion even in these circumstances and decided to keep the child, as repulsive as it may have seemed.

When the sonogram showed I was having a baby girl, the transformation from hating what grew inside me changed to love as I focused more on the fact that she was half of me. Each toss and kick in my growing belly tied one more string around my heart, and by my third trimester I was anxiously awaiting her arrival.

James was apprehended the week of my delivery, which ended up being the only good thing to come from that week. I had been to my regular doctor's appointment the morning she died and everything was normal. She was kicking and moving as always. By the evening, I didn't feel her at all and started to worry. I called the doctor and he said to meet him at the hospital. The nurse's face spoke volumes as she put on the fetal monitor. I panicked, begging her to tell me what was wrong. She told me she needed to wait for the doctor. My doctor arrived and painstakingly informed me that my baby was dead, and I would have to go through the actual delivery. Things only got worse as complications came one after another. At the end of the day, I was left with little to no hope of ever conceiving again. This was just another thing that James inevitably took from me.

Brad held me for three days as I told him of my dark five years. We moved briefly to eat and take a few bathroom breaks, but always found our way back to the couch, taking naps off and on. He cradled me and brushed away my tears as they streamed down my face as I told him about the funeral for Heather. I had nine months with her and the loss broke my heart into tiny pieces.

Every day of the trial was one day and one stone that I built around my heart as I grieved the loss of my daughter, mine not his, while at the same time recounting each horrific pounding, whipping, slicing, thrusting, ripping, punching, and defilement I suffered at his hands.

After the trial, I knew I was a shattered soul and I did not think I would survive. I truly believed that my panic attacks that woke me in the night would one day stop my already symbolically dead heart from pumping blood through my body. I moved to Forks knowing that I would die in this house and no one would know 'til they smelled the stench from the streets.

Brad held me now in the very living room where I finished the encasing of my heart over these past few years, and with each word that escaped my lips and each tear that fell from my eyes, he chiseled away at the same encasement with his gentle squeezes, caresses, and tender words of understanding. As I looked in his soft eyes, I knew that even after hearing all of these terrors I was still accepted, perhaps more so, and the healing began, on that night that we shared our first passionate kiss.

By the time school started after Christmas break, the figurative space between us had closed. I knew that no matter what happened, I was made for this man and he I, and we would somehow figure out a way to be together. I may have crossed all the lines and broken all the rules, but I was willing to break them all for him. We both deserved some happiness.

We decided that it would be best not to rub our relationship in the faces of those who wouldn't understand. As our physical relationship grew, I didn't think it was right for us to consummate our love until he was no longer a High School student, so we waited. I wasn't sure I was ready anyway. I had not been intimate with anyone in over five years.

~*~

As I arrived at our home I realized that in my short ride from school, I again allowed my bad memories to cloud the good ones. I opened the front door and pulled out our wedding album hoping to bury the memories before Brad arrived. As I thumbed through the pictures, I remembered the first night I gave all of myself to him. It was a month after graduation and the anniversary of our first meeting. He moved in and that night we celebrated.

He moved in me with such gentleness and caring, sharing the full expression of his love with me. And when I started to cry and thought I would breakdown, he whispered the words that always bring me back to him.

"_Feel me."_

When I feel his touch, whether it is the brush of his hand, his lips on my skin, or him gliding in and out of me, somehow all of my demons disappear for awhile. Our bodies fit perfectly together, as if we were the final two pieces to complete a puzzle, and thus started the most erotic passionate time of my life. I love that we cannot ever seem to get enough of each other. I had many sexual partners before 1994, but I had never had a lover. Brad shared that experience with me alone, another gift he gave me.

I close the album and start to thumb through the mail when I come across another birth announcement from one of our friends. We have many friends now and live a wonderful life. However, I will never be able to have a child with Brad and that saddens me. My friends all think that I am so blessed to have someone as loving as Brad, and yes now they even envy that I have such a hot, young husband. But they don't know that my head is a mess. They will never know who I really am and what I have been through like he does.

I hear his car pull into the drive, and I go to the mirror on the wall to wipe away the tears that have been caused by the announcement. I look at my reflection and can't help but see those lines again. I wonder what I did to have a man like Brad love me. Trying botox has crossed my mind, but he keeps telling me no. He walks in the door.

"_Where is my hot sex kitten? Your stud muffin is here and ready for our Red Light Special….Thank You, Edward!"_

I turn to him and he sees the smile on my mouth hiding the words that don't come out and my tear-stained cheeks. He rushes to me, crushing me into his arms.

"_What is it, honey?"_ He asks as he takes my hand in his and sees the announcement. I don't have to say another word, for he knows. _"I'm so sorry, darling. I know you miss her and wish she was here. I wish we both could have known her."_

"_I know, but it's not just that. I'm looking at myself here and I see all of these lines on my face, and I look at you and how young you still are and realize how much you've given up for me. You could be with someone who could give you that. Someone who isn't trying to hide these lines. Someone…."_

He interrupts, _"I don't want anyone else."_

He turns me towards the mirror and pulls my back to his chest. His finger sweeps across one of the lines.

"_Don't you realize that I love the lines across your face, they tell the story of who you are. This line I'm sure is from when you crested M__t__. Rainier."_ He drops a sweet kiss on my shoulder, as the pad of his finger finds another line.

"_This line here was formed as I brought you to orgasm the first time we made love."_

He turns me to face him, and while the tears are streaming, he knows they are turning into tears of joy. His hands start to unbutton my shirt, letting it fall to the ground, and he caresses my breast. _"Your lines tell the stories of where you've been, and how you were brought to me."_

He places tiny kisses across my collar bone and down my chest, as he reaches around my back and unclasps my bra, giving his lips access to my nipples. Using his tongue, he traces circles around them.

"_The lines tell of our life together, and sweetness, those stories and these lines wouldn't mean anything if you didn't have anyone to share them with. I'm glad you've chosen me to be that person."_

I let out a tiny moan and allow my hands to start to explore his body. _"I love you, and I know that I was made for you."_

His lips crush into mine and he kisses me fervidly. He clasps my hand and starts to guide me towards the bedroom.

"_I want to examine all of the lines on your body and put them into memory, but tonight I just want you to 'feel me', my love."_

~The End~

A special thank you to my best girls who listen to me incessantly and encouraged me while writing this.

My sis, Aciepey, I love you hard girl.

My HeatherDawnC, my nights wouldn't be the same without you, and well my days too your texts make me smile all day, thanx for being my SkypeBuddy, I heart your giggles. I love you bb.

My_Never thank you for pre-reading and giving me your input, it was very helpful, and I love you for helping.

Reviews are love, thank you for reading.


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